Sunday, March 20, 2011

Where's My Harvest...?

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. – Galatians 6:9

I started out looking for a verse that had to do with encouragement, and came across the one above. Although it is meant to be encouraging I can't help but wonder- where's my harvest? I have persevered, I have pushed through, but I feel I get nothing for it.

I think I am especially angry at God today because it's my birthday and I'm sitting in the hospital, away from my family,away from all the comforts of home. Of course I had a nice time out today (very nice actually), but this is what I have to come "home" to. It just plain sucks- no other way to put it. Why can't I be better? Why do I, and my family, have to continue to suffer?? It makes no sense to me, and as much as I believe in God's plan, today I'm lacking some serious faith.

I guess that as much as I want to look at the negatives right now, I have to acknowledge the positives- I had a great time at home and I didn't want to leave. For me, not wanting to leave is a big deal because when I am sick all I want to do is return to the hospital. So that was a good thing. I do believe that I'm slowly getting better- and I emphasize slowly. I literally feel like it is inch by inch that I'm barely clawing my way out.

So that's where I'm at today...happy that I had a good birthday, but angry at the same time. Being in the hospital is harder than I think people realize, and today I just want to go home. Sorry that this post isn't more happy-go-lucky, but like I said, being here just sucks. Hopefully I will get to go home a few times this week, because I don't know how much more of this place I can take...

Amanda
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3 comments:

  1. Amanda2March 21, 2011 at 5:38 AM

    As frustrating as it is for you to be there.... think of how better off you are. You need to be in a place where you can be monitored, surrounded by people who have your health and mental well being as number one priority. You will be out, all in good time and hopefully this will be your last stay! Keep positive and push through those negative thoughts... look at the big picture.This is a short time to be there when it is affecting the recovery of your mental health for the rest of your life! :) YOU GOT THIS!!!

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  2. amanda88March 22, 2011 at 8:16 AM

    Thanks Amanda :)

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  3. AnneMarch 22, 2011 at 9:19 AM

    I think Amanda put it so well, SO much frustration, but at least the people around you are only there to help you get through this. I'll never cease to be amazed at how you keep pushing through, you're without a doubt one of the strongest people I've ever met.
    Praying for you, glad your time at home was so positive.
    Love, Anne

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