Learning a Lesson in Patience

"Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting- that is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow- that is patience" - Unknown

I think this quote sums up my situation very nicely. My "going" is definitely hard and slow right now...excruciatingly so, but I have to keep going.

Not only I am learning to have patience with myself and the process, I am learning to have patience with others. There is a lady in here right now that I can't even accurately describe here in words.You would just have to meet her to understand where I am coming from. She is the most loud, arrogant and intrusive person I have ever met. She talks (I mean yells) non-stop and drives everyone crazy (yes, drives the psych ward crazy!). She has been throwing things at people and purposely spilling coffee all over the floor. She is a one of a kind, that's for sure. However,I need to look at "what are these people teaching me?"- I have met so many interesting people in here and Im convinced that everyone has something to offer us. For her, I believe she is teaching me self-control and patience. There have been so many times that I had to bite my tongue when she is around, she puts everyone on edge- but, I have prayed that God would give me the patience to put up with her and I think that each day I'm gaining a little bit more.

As I gain patience in that area I've also started to learn to have some patience with myself. Everyday my emotions are different- they ebb and flow like the tide and I've had very little tolerance for the swings. I tend to beat myself up when I don't feel the way that I think I should...I get so frustrated and feel like all my progress is lost and that I'm backsliding. I need to learn to accept how I feel without judgment - to listen to how I feel and not to put myself down for it. I think that this lesson will be even hard to learn than that mentioned above.But I am working on it.

So what's new? My lithium levels have been checked and are now at 0.9 - right in the therapeutic range. This means that it is in my bloodstream and should be kicking in very shortly. My doctor seems to think that it might not help with the depression, but will help level out my moods (yes, there is a difference). I am going on 3 weeks of the Pristiq and typically this med should take about 4 weeks to become effective. I pray that I will be lucky enough to see some additional improvement in this coming week.

This is also my birthday weekend! I will be 26 on Sunday. Seems hard to believe that I am celebrating this birthday in the psych ward, but I think I have accepted that now. We're even getting cake on Saturday night to share with the patients :)

I hope everyone has a great Friday,
Amanda