I can't help but feeling like I am boring everyone to death with my daily updates, but it gives me something to do, so you all will just have to bear with me.
I had a really bad start to my day..let me back up and say this bad day started last night. Yesterday my Norris friend (well, I'd like to think legitimate friend now), left yesterday which had me feeling down, not to mention that my room mate just got privileges and was able to go out last night. So there I sat by myself...I curled up in bed at 5:30pm and didn't move(didn't sleep either), until 8pm when one of the nurses came to see how I was. I just felt so incredibly down that I felt it through and through physically.
Unfortunately that is how my day started today...not wanting to get out of bed. I had some blood work taken, ate my breakfast, then pulled up the covers until 9:30 am when I just felt so gross that I managed to get my butt out of bed to take a shower. Maybe some people are thinking “must be nice to stay in bed all the time”. Trust me, it's a terrible feeling and I despise it. You feel so heavy and down that you can't move. I would wish it on no one.
This morning I started on my new dosage of Pristiq...obviously I don't feel better yet but I also didn't feel any side effects. Again, you must be thinking “that's good, no side effects”...well, to me, that means that the drug is not doing a darn thing in my body. I WANT some side effects to let me know that something,anything, is working in there.
I had one highlight to my day so far (yay) and that was sketching...I sketched a picture of Adelyn, then the secretary saw it and asked me if I could sketch her grandchildren, which I did and it turned out quite nice (if I do say so myself). It kept me busy and I experienced some “flow” (think 1st year Recreation theory class)...I enjoyed what I was doing and I was good at it. That was the one thing that has kept me out of bed today, and that just goes to show you how important recreation is...yes, I'm plugging therapeutic recreation and not just because that's what I do, but I've experienced the need for it first hand. Everyone needs to experience some”flow” in their lives – whatever that may come from.
I finished the drawing and am already “booked” for tomorrow with another request, which of course makes me feel good. So now I am just waiting for a visit from Pastor Ryan, which I am looking forward to. I just hope that I can ride my high through the rest of the day and fight the strong urge to just crawl back into bed and shut out the world.
First of all, you are not boring anyone with your daily updates. I look forward to checking in with you and always hope to hear something positive. I'm glad you are writing, I have always found it therapeutic.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about laying in bed. It's all you want to do, but the more you do it, the worse you feel. Sometimes it helps to get out and do something, even drawing. Art is very good for the soul. It's how I got through my last year of university and the worst depression I've ever experienced. I hope you continue to draw and I hope it helps you.
Always thinking of you. Lots of love.
You aren't boring anyone! I am continually encouraged by your strength, yes your STRENGTH. I don't think I'd be NEAR as strong as you if I was going through what you are. Your resolve to push through no matter what is so inspiring, and God will reward you for it.
ReplyDeleteSo neat to hear about your sketching and requests for more - I'd love to see them sometime.
Lots of love girl, you're incredible!