Another Day at Norris

I've been feeling really down today. Not sure why...I saw Adelyn this morning but it didn't go all that well (in my mind) because she was getting tired and needed her nap. I don't know if that contributed to my mood or not, I guess it is what it is.

I woke up this morning to my laptop and knitting missing - turns out that the lovely night staff came into my room while I was sleeping and snatched all my "illegals". I was pretty ticked of because I thought it was definitely rude and disrespectful. Thankfully I got all my things back this morning from the day staff, with the promise that I will lock everything up at night (fine by me). I also found out that Greg will be able to attend my specialist appointment with me on Monday in Hamilton (by OPT), which is good news.

I saw the doctor this afternoon and told her how down I was feeling. Yesterday I was having a lot of irrational thoughts like God hates me and is punishing me, my friends have all left me, my family hates me...and they go on and on. I was very negative yesterday and it has really been affecting me. She decided to up my Pristiq to the max dose of 100 mg as of tomorrow. This comes with the risk that I could feel really ill, but I'm willing (as well as she) to up the dose and deal with what comes...hoping that the benefits outweigh the risks.

I'm starting to lose sight of why I am here...I have to remind myself daily that I'm here for a purpose and that is to get better for my family . But it is getting really hard and it's only been a week (just over) that I have been here. I'm feeling forgotten and lonely. I wish every minute of the day that I could be well enough to leave here and well enough to WANT to take care of Adelyn since right now I have lost all desire. I have no drive and no ambition, some moments I don't even have the ambition to get better, but I know I need to do this for my family, if not for me.