So I never used to drink coffee because it would make me so sick to my stomach. Also gave me the jitters so bad and an awful headache. But, somewhere along the past year, I seemed to pick up the habit. I remember relishing my cup of joe at 8:30 am, after Adelyn was down for her morning nap when she was only a few weeks old. I needed that cup of coffee to wake up since I had been awake every two hours the night before.
Present day - I think I'm a better mom on caffeine. I'm happier, I'm more able to get off my butt, and I'm able to handle more. Catch 22 - the caffeine excacerbates my anxiety. I get jittery still and am very high strung. What made me blog about this it, yesterday, I spent almost the entire day in bed because I didn't have a cup of coffee. I didn't realize how much it affected me until yesterday. I just couldn't get up, I was so tired and lethargic. Today I had my cup first thing, and I felt much better today - I don't want to be in my bed, so that's a good sign. I honestly feel like I get better results from a cup of coffee than I do my antidepressants.
Speaking of antidepressants - I upped my Pritiq (on my own) to 150 mg in the morning. I know I shouldn't have done this without my doctor's consent, but I needed something. As you can tell from my last post, I had a terrible weekend and I'm just looking for SOMETHING to work. Not sure if I'm feeling the effects of the increase or not, but I have been feeling a wee bit better. More optimistic and less gloomy. However, I did spend all day yesterday in bed, so I guess that means that I'm not as happy as I think I am.
Tomorrow, I have my meeting with work to find out about this part-time job that they are offering me. I'm so nervous because of the last meeting, where I cried most of the time. I'm so worried that I will cry again, that was so embarassing. It's as if I don't have any control over my emotions - I'm on a roller coaster and all I can do is hang on for the ride. I don't know what my body has in store for me tomorrow, but I pray that I can keep my composure. I will update on here most likely Thursday.
Lately what I've been thinking about is, "gee, it would be nice to get together with other moms with PPD". There are plenty of moms groups in my area, but I don't know any that are for moms with PPD specifically. I just want to be around others like me - I'm tempted to make a group, but I don't know if it would fly. If anyone has any input on here I would love to hear it. I just feel like I don't "fit in" with a lot of moms because I've been so sick - my child has had a different up-bringing than so many others and I want to relate to other woman that have been in my situation. Just a dream I guess!
I hear you on the caffeine. I went caffeine free for about 5 years in university, but as soon as I started to work, I needed a tea or a coke. I think I drink more now because of lack of sleep, but I've cut it out this week hoping it will help Matthew sleep better, and I'll get more sleep too. It's the little things that seem to make a difference in mood, not just the medication. I've found sunshine, exercise, a little caffeine and even chocolate to be good mood elevators.
ReplyDeleteAs for the PPD group, I think it'd be a fantastic idea! I'd start by looking at meetup.com to see if there are any groups already created. You can create your own PPD group on meetup.com but it costs money to run. My friend started her own mom group on Facebook and just started to invite people she knew, who invited people they knew, and voila, mom group. Support would be fantastic in your case.
Good luck tomorrow!
Is there a MotherReach group in your area? That's where I went for my PPD at first, and while I didn't really fit in with the group, it was good to get out there and be with other mom's who had gone through it at some point in their lives.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome to get together with myself and my Momma's group whenever we have events! Most of us have ppd and anxiety issues!
and PS: I find Coffee itself makes me really jittery and irritable a well because of the letdown effects...but a good Mocha Frappucino from Starbucks doesn't! Must be the added sugar! lol
hehehe that friend would be me!
ReplyDeleteI think a group is a great idea! Doesnt hurt to try!Good luck tomorrow! :)
ReplyDeleteI definitely think you should try to put a group together. I had thought about doing the same thing...I actually had all kinds of plans in my mind of the resources that I wanted to provide for women with PPD. Still thinking of doing it some day...life is just a bit too busy right now.
ReplyDeleteI think that if you do this it will fly. Woman are much more open about it these days than in the past.