Reflections

Since Adelyn has turned 1, I find that I have been reflecting a lot on my experience and how far that I have come. I also have scheduled Adelyn's baptism, and during the service I will be talking about my experiences so I have been thinking a lot about that. Do you know that I have spent 6 months in hospital? That I missed half of the first year of my daughter's life? That's amazing to me that I was so absent. But I soo needed it. I also spent 3 months away from home, living at my in-laws. It's what was best at the time, but add that to my 6 month hospitalization total and I spent 9 months away from home and not being a mommy. Scary.

But things are turning around, and that's the happy end of this story. I never ever thought I would be coming out of this - truly. I honestly thought I would be the case that never got better, that never recovered. Now, I'm not saying I AM recovered, but I am well on the road to recovery right now. Simple things prove to me that I am doing better. For example, I don't lay down in the afternoons anymore...before I HAD to lay down because I was so overwhelmed that I had to take a break. I haven't laid down in about two weeks. And that's a big deal. Also, I've gone back to work and haven't had a meltdown. I'm managing work and home and so far the balance has been excellent. Sure, I stress a little about getting Adelyn ready in the mornings, but overall the days have been going smoothly and I'm enjoying my job.

On a different note, Adelyn went for a DPS assessment the other day at the Early Years Centre - she passed, however, she was right on the line and has a few things she needs to work on. This makes me feel terrible because I know it's my fault - the resource teacher agreed that due to my absence in her life she probably is a little slower to develop certain skills. Wow, the guilt is awful. Thankfully she DID still pass, and the teacher said that she will probably catch up in no time now that I'm home and back in her life. That was good to hear, and I hope that it is true! I have read that children of women with PPD can have delayed development, so I wasn't surprised to hear that...but still sad. At least now I know what to work on with her.

So there it is - I'm sort of boring right now...no bad thoughts, no crazy hospitalizations. But boring is great news to me. Hopefully all of you would agree.