One of THOSE Moms

First of all, I would like to say thank you to all of those who responded with kind words to my previous post - some privately and some on the blog. I appreciate you sharing with me, and it really has helped me feel better about myself.

I was one of THOSE moms today. When I'm feeling badly, those that are "normal" become "those" people - the ones that can get up and lead a normal life with their children. Well, I'm happy to say that today, I was one of those moms that I envy. I got up this morning alone (Chelsea was gone) and got Adelyn ready for the day. I got up thinking that this was going to be a good day, not down in the dumps. I played with Adelyn at home without getting anxious about what to do with her next. We went to the park and had a playdate. I took her to the doctor's in the afternoon, and then enjoyed some time at the pier in Port Dalhousie.

Now, I know people do these things everyday. But I don't. I usually rely on Chelsea for childcare back up and for advice on almost everything. I'm not self-reliant at all. Maybe that's a learned behaviour, I don't know. But today I was someone else - someone that doesn't have PPD and thoughts of hurting themselves and their children. I was like any of those moms that I look at and envy because they are so incredibly normal. I enjoyed myself today, and that's also a huge thing because I have had little capacity for enjoyment in the last 12 months. I enjoyed the sunshine and I enjoyed spending some quality alone time with Adelyn. All in all it was a huge success.

So do I think I'm recovered? No. I know I have a looong way to go before I'm "better". Today was a little shaky at times (in terms of my thoughts) but I held it together. Maybe if Adelyn was in a bad mood I would have fallen apart. I'm still very fragile and emotional. So another day might be very different, so I don't expect that everything will be peachy from here on out. I expect to feel crappy again, and I expect that I will have meltdowns. I think it's better to expect the worst anyways. That way it can only get better!

Thanks again to everyone who has shared their personal lives with me - I appreciate not being the only one who is so open :) Please do keep responding, I really do get strength and hope from you.