Power of our Light

"Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy - the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light." - B. Brown

Thanks to Kelly Larmour for giving me this powerful quote. As soon as she read it to me, it just jumped out at me, it resonated with some place deep in my soul. If I have done anything in this whole experience, it is embrace my vulnerabilities. I have owned my struggle in hopes that somehow, some way, people will draw strength from this. Through exploring my darkness I have discovered a light in mankind that is so bright, only God can compare. I have been touched deeply by the light of others, and I want everyone to know how truly thankful I am now, and will always be.

I am so very happy to report to you all that I am still going strong (praise the Lord),and that my last of my ECT series was today. The doctor wanted to stop early because I was feeling so well. From here, I will have scheduled maintenance treatments periodically to ensure that I stay where I am at now.

I am at such a great place now- I have realized how deeply I love and cherish my daughter, and what a blessing she really is. I have learned how to play with her and show her I love her. I have learned that taking care of a child really IS possible, and it won't in fact kill me (that is only partially sarcastic). Sometimes I stare in awe of Adelyn now...relishing in the fact that she is mine, and that I have the privilege of raising her. She is doing so many amazing things lately, and I love every minute of joy she brings me.

I never ever thought I would be writing this. I thought surely this postpartum was going to kill me. I didn't see any light at all, no way out. I feel that my story is a testament to the fact that God does heal, and no matter how dark your future seems, there is always hope, there is always light. I hope whoever is reading this will be encouraged in your own daily struggles, knowing that anything is possible.

Now am I home free? Hardly. I still have a LOT of work to do on myself; a lot of soul-searching to do. I will be on a slew of medications for (probably) years before I will even consider reducing. The threat of relapse is very real, and I will be spending my days chasing away the demons that will threaten to take me over yet again. I will continue to blog my journey, as it is not nearly over. I hope that you all will continue to follow me and to provide me a source of strength and encouragement along the way. Your support has been invaluable and I will never forget it. Thank-you again.