Learning Curve

I'm learning a lot these days. First of all,I have started my new job (yay)! Things seem to be going really well, and I'm excited for the opportunity that this has brought me. I work with some really great people and patients, so that makes things easier. I am struggling with my motivation though; it is hard to find the "oomph" to get myself to smile big and be happy for work. I don't necessarily feel depressed, just flat - so smiling can be a stretch sometimes. But I HAVE to have a smile for my job, so I plaster it on and away I go. I'm a little overwhelmed with the amount of things I need to know for my job (like dietary considerations), for each patient. I hope that as time goes by, it will get easier.

Another things I am learning,is how to live this new life of mine. I am learning to live in "normalcy". I have been stable (or what I consider stable) since the beginning of October, and I'm finding it hard to reconnect with my old self, and to determine where I go from here - what kind of human being I'm going to be. As I said above, I no longer feel "depressed", but I do lack emotion, which isn't very nice either. However, I would take lack of emotion out of the two any day. When I have a bad moment, like I'm frustrated or upset, I have to remind myself that NORMAL people feel these things too, it is not because I am sick. I was a procrastinator before I had Adelyn, so how can I pin that as a symptom of my PPD? I am constantly reminding myself that to feel these emotions is normal and healthy, and this really keeps me on an even keel. I am so blessed to be looking at things from "the other side" and I sure do like what I see in my future now. I am enjoying Adelyn more, and I feel the love inside me growing beyond what my heart can hold. Sometimes now I just stare at her and admire the beautiful being that she is, and stand in awe that I was the one that brought her into this world.

On the topic of Adelyn, we are also experiencing another learning curve with the little one. She is potty training! Yes, I know this is early, but I have a family member who has inspired me to try this out. So far (it has only been a week and a day), she will pee and poop on the potty all throughout the day, and now will pee on command (as opposed to waiting there with her for 30- 60 mins!). She has told me once that she had to pee, and then went...which I am beyond thrilled about! I am so proud of my little missy, I can't even tell you. Each day of potty training has its ups and downs, but I am enjoying the ride with this amazing little girl. Here's hoping that she will continue to progress and get better and better at this new skill!

To update you on some "housekeeping" matters...I am still on Wellbutrin 300 mg, and I credit this drug with helping me to come around. Nothing short of a miracle in my books. I have a specialist appointment on Wednesday with Dr. Hasey in Hamilton..he will assess my meds and give me a more clear diagnosis (hopefully). I will be able to talk with him about the possibility of me having more children, and what my prognosis is. Also on that day, I have a meeting with FACS to look at where I am, and how far I've come- and hopefully to talk about discharge from their service. I pray that this meeting will go well, and that the outcome will be appropriate to the situation.