I'm having a rough day today...Adelyn is cranky, and I feel like I've blown my job interview (before I've even had it!). I found out one of my references will be away the week that she would be contacted, so I emailed the recruiter and updated her, letting her know that if she wanted to contact her prior to the interview she could. I didn't think about how this would be off-putting (because the recruiter had requested all my references already anyhow), but now I think I just screwed myself over.
Oh well, I don't need a job right now anyways. I don't even know if I'm able to hold down a job, let alone excel at one. This makes me hate myself for not being able to do anything- I can't even get laundry done around here. I hate the way I feel and I hate being in this position (for what seems like forever). I'm tearing up as I write this, which is amazing because I didn't think I could cry anymore. I'm just having a really tough day and all I want is for it to get better, somehow.
I've been taking the Abilify for the last week, and so far it hasn't brought me back to that happy self that I was a few weeks ago. I had high hopes going back on this drug, and so far I just feel let down, and more depressed. The thoughts of self harm are mostly gone, and I don't think about all the terrible things that could happen to Adelyn. So that's ONE plus that has happened, but that's it.
I hate to be so negative, but that's just the mood I'm in right now. I'm praying that something will work out for me and that I can feel better again. It was such a cruel joke, having felt better for a week, then going back to this. What an awful awful feeling. I need to find my hope again.
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