For those of you that read my post before it was deleted, then you know where this is coming from. For those of you that didn't read the post...I had become very suicidal. I wanted to die. Wanted the pain to stop. And so the viscious cycle continues.
I'm feeling a little bit better, however, I was up front and told some of my workers how I was feeling. In turn, they called FACS. Yay. So now FACS is all over me, and are making sure that I have 24/7 supervision with Adelyn. I'm not even allowed to pick her up from daycare. It's very frustrating. I was honest with my doctor too, and she wanted me to go to the hospital but I refused. I felt like "what is the big deal?" So what, I want to die, this is nothing new. So in one way I feel like all this attention is silly and unwarranted.
So how on earth am I going to pull off 24/7 supervision?? I called Chelsea (ex-nanny) and she agreed to come and stay with me for a week and a bit. This will get me to next Wednesday, when they will re-evaluate my supervision order. Thank goodness for Chelsea. I have no idea what I'm going to do AFTER that, but I'm trying to just take it one day at a time. I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
I started Wellbutrin today...which I have been on before (and it made me aggresive), but Dr. Asti feels like this is my best option right now - because I have no motivation or "drive" to do anything. I'm starting on the smallest dosage so we will see where things go from here. Wellbutrin is an atypical antidepressant, and gives you a "kick" in addition to being an antidepressant. It should take about two weeks before I notice the benefit (if at all).
So what else is happening? I'm STILL waiting to hear back about the job, however, they have called me to get a police clearance already, so I think I have gotten it (they just haven't formally offered it to me yet). I don't know how I will handle working again...but I'm hoping that having a place where no one knows me, will be a good thing. It might provide me an escape from reality for a few days per week. I don't know until I try!
I'm feeling a little bit better, however, I was up front and told some of my workers how I was feeling. In turn, they called FACS. Yay. So now FACS is all over me, and are making sure that I have 24/7 supervision with Adelyn. I'm not even allowed to pick her up from daycare. It's very frustrating. I was honest with my doctor too, and she wanted me to go to the hospital but I refused. I felt like "what is the big deal?" So what, I want to die, this is nothing new. So in one way I feel like all this attention is silly and unwarranted.
So how on earth am I going to pull off 24/7 supervision?? I called Chelsea (ex-nanny) and she agreed to come and stay with me for a week and a bit. This will get me to next Wednesday, when they will re-evaluate my supervision order. Thank goodness for Chelsea. I have no idea what I'm going to do AFTER that, but I'm trying to just take it one day at a time. I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
I started Wellbutrin today...which I have been on before (and it made me aggresive), but Dr. Asti feels like this is my best option right now - because I have no motivation or "drive" to do anything. I'm starting on the smallest dosage so we will see where things go from here. Wellbutrin is an atypical antidepressant, and gives you a "kick" in addition to being an antidepressant. It should take about two weeks before I notice the benefit (if at all).
So what else is happening? I'm STILL waiting to hear back about the job, however, they have called me to get a police clearance already, so I think I have gotten it (they just haven't formally offered it to me yet). I don't know how I will handle working again...but I'm hoping that having a place where no one knows me, will be a good thing. It might provide me an escape from reality for a few days per week. I don't know until I try!
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