So I am going to cautiously say that I am feeling better than I was last week...I feel as though the medication is doing SOMETHING and have stopped the suicidal thoughts. I have more energy and my outlook is a little more positive. I'm thanking God for this new-found hope that I have. I feel like maybe, just maybe, the Concerta will work like it did in the beginning, and I can feel great again.
I've been rating myself as an "8" for my mood...I was down to a "6.5" when I was really bad, so "8" is great in my opinion! I don't take ratings lightly either, I take a lot of time to evaluate which number I am going to use, and that it accurately reflects my mood for that day. When I felt really good on the Concerta I was an "8.5"...so I'm just about there. I feel like an "8" or a "9" is "normal" and what a normal person would feel like on any given day. Is that wrong? I know, there is no "normal"!
So I think I mentioned below that I had an interview on Friday (or maybe I didn't...I can't remember?).. well, I had an interview at the hospital for a Recreation Therapist - yes, this is a dream job. I've always wanted to get into the hospital. Amazing pay and amazing benefits just to name a few highlights. I was shocked I even got an interview and even more shocked that I did WELL.
I bought a new suit (went with traditional black), did up my hair and makeup, and strutted in there like I knew what was goin' on. I don't know WHERE that confidence came from, but I found it somewhere! While I waited I chatted with patients...come on, this has GOT to look good on me! The manager found me talking with a patient when it was time for the interview...she looked shocked but I'm hoping that was a good thing!
The interview questions seemed easy - boom - boom - boom, I had an answer for them all. The interviewers smiled and laughed with me, and it was a great conversation. SO, I think I have a great chance at this job...I definitely don't think I have it in the bag (yet), but I feel good about the effort I made. Now I have the tortuous wait this week. They said they will let me know by Friday, so that's a long time to go!
The worst part it, I don't even know if I can handle this job. It is two days per week (Mon and Fri), and for a contract of 5 months (so far). I've tried part time already and that blew up in my face, so what's to say that this will work any better? I don't know if I'm making a potentially stupid decision in considering this as a possibility for me. There is really no way to know until I actually DO the job...but if I do it and fail...I don't even want to think about that.
So send good vibes my way! Either I get the job (yay!) or I don't (and that's okay for me). Will find out in a few days...
No comments:
Post a Comment