Up, Down....Up?

I haven't written in a little while, so I thought I should provide an update! Things have actually been going pretty well - I'm afraid to say that (so as not to jinx myself) but it's true. I had my work meeting last Wednesday and I was offered two days a week, working as a part time recreation director (same title as before), so I was happy with that. Financially, it would be better if I was working three days, but I will take what I can get. Unfortunately like I said below, they were questioning my ability to work so I have to get a sign-off from my psychiatrist.

On Wednesday I went to my in-laws to stay for a little while since my nanny was off for a few days. I ended up being alone with Adelyn (breaking FACS rules so shhh) and everything went fine - I was able to keep my cool and not get too anxious. I was pretty proud of myself. I met with FACS on Friday (obviously not telling them I was alone) and they still have me on 24/7 supervision until I see my doctor tomorrow. Then they will probably start with two hours or something piddly like that. Oh well, I guess I have to take it one small step at a time.

Weekends are usually harder for me because my nanny is not here (yes, Greg is here but he's usually busy with house stuff). Saturday I picked Adelyn up at lunch and had her for the rest of the day and all day Sunday - this has changed from Adelyn spending ALL day Saturday and Sunday with my in-laws. Sunday we actually went to church and...gasp...it worked out fine! Adelyn missed her morning nap (which I was freaking out about) but she was a trooper and just went down for a longer nap in the afternoon. I also visited with a good friend, then went for dinner at my mom's, where....gasp again....Adelyn was an hour late for bedtime! And you know what? I was okay! I survived and felt good about it! This is pretty huge. I was dreading Sunday because I knew it would be so busy with church and dinner messing with her schedule so add this to my check-list :)

So right now what's bugging me is what to do with my nanny after June (when I stop getting my maternity leave pay). We can't really afford to pay her based on what I will be making (I will be making half my mat. leave pay, so that makes a huge difference!). Every time there is a big change I go downhill. I don't know how to "wean" myself off of Chelsea in a way that makes sense both financially and emotionally for me. That's the next big step in my recovery. In September we potentially have someone moving in (a boarder from Niagara College) so I have something lined up after the summer, but not during. Really I know there's no answer anyone can give me right now, I'm just throwing it out there that I'm confused about what to do. I guess only time will tell...

So, it seems I'm on an "up swing" right now - so I'm going to enjoy it! Don't get me wrong though, each day is still a fight, but I seem to be mastering the days better than I was before. That's also not to say that I won't go down again - actually I'm expecting it - but in the meantime I will be thankful to God for allowing me some much needed (and I feel much deserved) reprieve.